Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
