i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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