When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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