Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
