Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
