All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
