Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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