we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize