You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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