oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize