..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
