Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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