We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
