i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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