see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize