Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
