her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
