Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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