Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
