I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
