My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
