Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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