you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
