You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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