like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The ass gains better be worth it
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