im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
