I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
