Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
