That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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