Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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