Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
