you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
