I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
