he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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