Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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