he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
