My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
