Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
