i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
