Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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