Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize