I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
