Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just high enough for therapy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
