I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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