Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
