the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
