I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
