Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize