Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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