This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
