So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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