I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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