I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
