Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize