Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
