Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
