She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
