guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
