In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
