I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
