I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize