we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
do nipples grow back?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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