You just made me feel so damn special
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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