How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
