; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bring me that man meat
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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