Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize