You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
