so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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