If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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