I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
