everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
